Nothing but Time…..

“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
- Bill Watterson

This very sentence rolled off my tongue more than once as I described to family and friends how I would fill my time as I accompanied my husband to a CLE conference in Scottsdale, AZ.  How delightful to find an actual quote (I thought I made it up myself) which had drawn such puzzled expressions from those I uttered it to.  

What is “nothing” and how does one go about doing so much of it that they run out of time in its pursuit?  Nothing, something, much, little, a boat load, mountains - all describe the amount of work and/or activities that we perceive to fill our time.  To me, “nothing” does not mean laying on the couch or sleeping all day.  However… it could.  “Nothing” means doing exactly what I want to do without expectation, demand, or schedule and most likely it means doing what I want, when I feel like it…or not.

My husband laughed at me when I said I wasn’t sure if two days was long enough to do all the nothing I had in mind.  He said I probably had a brief case full of projects to do during those two days.  Okay, it is true, I brought a few things to do….but only if I feel like it and only if I decide to do them.  To me, that is “nothing” and the best way that I know how to recharge my battery.  Much of my days are spent doing what others have for me to do.  This too, is my choice and I would not have it any other way.  Yet in spite of that, I relish the time I can steal to do a narrow to wide variety of pure “nothingness.”

Time is an interesting notion if you think about it.  Time is one of the few great equalizers since the world began.  Every man, woman and child that has ever lived on this earth has had exactly the same amount of time each day.  Kings, rulers, aristocrats, philosophers, professionals, students, farmers, etc. have exact equality.  No favoritism or punishment is considered in the dispersal of time.  Yet, we help ourselves to this equally portioned gift in a wide variety of ways.

In Greek philosophy there are two very different definitions of time.  The first one is Chronos time.  It is the structured time that we live in with minutes and seconds.  This is the method of measuring time that we are most familiar with because it is chronological and man-made.  Chronos is the fleeting time that we wrestle with every day in keeping with schedules or the painstakingly slow watching of the clock when we are uncomfortable or suffering.  

Kairos time on the other hand is God’s time.  It is outside of the typical frame of reference that we associate with time because it is metaphysical time.  Kairos signifies time standing still or a time lapse, a moment of indeterminate time in which intuition, understanding and magical “aha” moments happen. 

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”  - Henry Van Dyke

In a talk given to a group of students in a devotional, Joseph B. Wirthlin implies that there are two basic concepts that must be understood if we are to utilize the gift of time properly.  “Concept number one is the haunting thought that time carries no guarantee that it will serve us; it is merely made available to us.  Concept number two is the reality that it remains for each one of us, alone and singly, to learn how to get the most out of the passing hours, days, weeks, months, and even eternity.”

Elder Wirthlin goes on to say that “for every human being, time is a resource - indeed, a unique resource.  It can neither be accumulated like money nor stockpiled like raw material.  We are forced and compelled to spend it at a fixed rate of sixty seconds every minute; it passes at this predetermined rate no matter what we do.  We have no choice, no freedom or free agency in this regard.  Time, unlike water or practically anything else one can name, can neither be turned off nor replaced.  No spigot can be installed to regulate and control its flow, as can be done with water, and no refilling device may be applied to replenish the quantity….It is the most inelastic element in our entire existence.” 

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein.” - H. Jackson Brown

Due to the fact that I am an over-achiever at heart and a multi-tasker, quotes like this have over the years made me feel like the mere wasting of a second was a violation of this most precious resource.  That, however, was the younger me and although I am not motivated as much by guilt in my old age, I still don’t sit still much.  I have come to see the value of still and quiet moments for contemplation and rest.  These moments that we carve for ourselves are equally as important as the pursuit of something grandiose and lofty.

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” - Marthe Troly-curtin

The spending of time is subjective from one person to the next, from one situation to the next and even from one day to the next.  Only we can determine the best and most useful way to utilize this gift.  The use and/or misuse fluctuates from time to time along our journey while navigating opportunities and challenges as they present themselves.  The beautiful thing about time is that we rarely are a victim of its fruits.  Even those who have been dealt a fateful blow have offered hope and courage in the way they utilize time and work with what they have.  It needs not be the jailer that it sometimes appears on the surface to be.

Time vacillates back and forth being a cruel teacher a generous and nurturing mother.  It can be a ruthless master, a skillful healer, and a patient mentor.  Whatever it is to us, at any given time we have the power to tap into the best of what father time has to offer.  Perhaps this can best be summed up with a quote from the screenplay of  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,  This story is about a boy with Progeria, a disease that causes one to age very rapidly from infancy.  “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.  There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.  You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.  We can make the best or the worst of it.  I hope you make the best of it.  And I hope you see things that startle you.  I hope you feel things you have never felt before.  I hope you meet people with a different point of view.  I hope you live a life you’re proud of.  If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”  ~Eric Roth.

Although we never know how much overall time has been allotted to us, the older we get the more aware of the sand falling through that proverbial hourglass.  We realize it really cannot be stopped so we better fit in as much as we can.  If we could all live our lives as if it were later than we think, we may wish for more days of “something” rather than “nothing”……or not!

Unplug!!!

“The beauty of this day doesn't depend on its lasting forever.” 

~ Marty Rubin

One of my dearest friends lost her mother a year ago.  Widowed for fifty years, this lovely woman created a world for herself and raised a family virtually alone.  As my friend reminisces about the challenges observed and lessons learned from her mother, the thing she mentions most often is that her mother lived her life “fully present.”  The situations she was placed in, both good and bad, and the people with whom she was surrounded consistently had her full and undivided attention.

Regardless of the setting, take a minute and observe your surrounding.  Most people have their heads buried in some form of distraction.  Perhaps it is a lunch date that insists on taking every phone call, email or text message that comes, or a family gathering where everyone is sitting in a room together but each is immersed in their own virtual reality while being oblivious to the reality sitting right next to them.  Feeling insignificant can take on many forms but none is so chilling as being in the presence of someone who has checked out and is withdrawn regardless of the reason.  

Now, I realize that my friend’s mother is from another generation where distractions were very different than they are now, but there are lessons that can be learned and applied to our contemporary situations.  We live in a crazy, wonderful world that is changing almost weekly with the offering of technological conveniences that make my head spin.  It is unbelievable what we are able to do with a single click - we can manage our homes, conduct banking, purchase anything in the world to be delivered to our front door, watch t.v. and movies, conduct meetings, manage our health, diets, workouts, find information to do almost anything and even meet a potential spouse in the palm of our hand.  

Let’s be honest, much of what is available is quite remarkable, but a great deal of current applications are nothing more than time wasters.  I am not trying to be sanctimonious about how people spend their time.  We all relax in different ways and far be it from me to make judgments on how to do that.  However, every time we check emails, Facebook, Twitter we pull ourselves from what we are doing to do something else.   Most of my emails are junk that need to be deleted; Facebook has become more about surveys, silly tests, competitions to get the most “likes” and commercial promotions than about events of people I care about.  Yet, we spend so much of our day “checking” it all. 

Facebook sponsored a study looking at the amount of time people spend on their phones.  They report that “four out of five people check their phones within 15 minutes of getting out of bed in the morning.  Of all smartphone users 79% have their phone on or near them for all but two hours of their waking day; 63% keep it with them for all but one hour. A full quarter of respondents couldn’t recall a single time of the day when their phone wasn’t in the same room as them.”  Some of the behavior is considered to be compulsive behavior similar to shopping or eating and has been determined to undermine relationships. 

Ironically, with all that connectedness we find ourselves as a society getting more isolated.  There is nothing personal about a text message, a media post or an email.  As miraculous as this technology is, there is no substitution for a face to face conversation, a real live hug, a verbally delivered compliment or a friendly conversation over lunch or dinner.  “One recent study from the University of Essex even shows that just having a cell phone nearby during personal conversations -- even if neither of you are using it -- can cause friction and trust issues. Do your relationship a favor and pay your partner some exclusive attention for 10 minutes. It can make a big difference.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/14/multitasking-dont-do-it-yall_n_3436810.html

As a shameless multi-tasker, I wrestle because we CAN do so many things at the same time.  And trust me, I am tempted to DO a variety of things at once.  In the same Huffington Post article, the assertion is made that people caught up in this type of multi-tasking or distraction while engaging in something else, fail to see obvious things happening right in front of them.   “According to a 2009 study from Western Washington University, 75% of college students who walked across a campus square while talking on their cell phones did not notice a clown riding a unicycle nearby.  The researchers call the ‘inattentional blindness,’ saying that even though the cell-phone talkers were technically looking at their surroundings, none of it was actually registering in their brains.”

Being fully present is a choice that we exercise.  Just like everything else, we are the ones with the power and the wisdom to use discretion in all we do.  Choosing how and when to be accessible to our families, our friends, our colleagues and customers, and the world is a definite option.  The way we use technology unfortunately sends the message that those we are with are unimportant.  Are we attentive to those we interact with or do we suffer from “inattentional blindness”?  The world may offer us the ability or even the expectation to be completely accessible at all times, but we do not have to comply.

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just to enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate.  - Thorton Wilder

My husband has been a trial lawyer for thirty plus years.  In the beginning of his practice the gathering of information took time.  A professional could only run as fast as the information could be acquired and delivered.  I have observed the change over the years as information became acquired with ever increasing speed.  There almost comes with it the potential for virtually no down time.  Many professionals cannot currently run fast enough to keep up with the firehose of information that gushes continually and the subsequent expectation that goes with it.  For many working people, emails come in the middle of the night, orders are placed on holidays, phone calls come in the evening and on weekends.  Vacations are even difficult because we can always be reached, and we are programmed to “feel the need” to be accessible anywhere.  

We are so used to Multitasking, we are so addicted to overachieving that we fogey that the real happiness lies in simple things that take place in the present. - Sumish Nair

The one constant in this world is change.  Times may change.  The way we do things may change.  However, twenty four hours in a day is STILL all we have.  Our humanity STILL requires that we work and that we have adequate rest to meet our demands.  The way we care and interact on a human level is the SAME way that is has always been.  Feeling significant and important in the lives of those we care about and that care about us is a basic human need.  Dare to unplug and live fully present in the moment especially when we are around those we care about.  That personal interaction most likely will be far more satisfying than learning which celebrity you most likely resemble…..and it will matter next week, next month and next year.

photo credit:

lipstickandleopardprint.com

Can An Old Dog Learn New Tricks?

I recently received an email from a friend asking if we are too old to drive the new 2014 Mercedes Benz SCL 600.  The photographs of this sleek and beautiful Mercedes are consistent with what we have all come to expect from Mercedes Benz.  However, upon closer inspection, the interior of the vehicle is even sleeker than one would expect.  There is no steering wheel and no foot pedals.  The vehicle seems to be operated with a joy stick.  

Call me ridiculous, but I have come to enjoy driving intuitively.  My years of driving experience work in my favor.  I know instinctively when to begin slowing down at a stoplight, how much acceleration is necessary to avoid a problem, and even steering through a snowstorm when my car starts to slide.  A joystick?  Really?  I can only begin to anticipate the miscalculations possible with changing from a system I know to something I have never used, let alone mastered.  My kids grew up on video games.  The only game I played was Atari Pong back in the 1970’s.  If this is an indicator on my future driving success then I am in trouble and you, my fellow driver on the road, are in even bigger trouble.  There are plenty of things that I am prepared to do in my mature age to stay current, but I am not sure I had even considered relearning to drive a car in the parking lot of the local high school.  

“You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.”  ~John Nuveen

This is not the first time I have felt pain.  The past five years or so have made me realize that the world is leaving me behind.  There was a time, I chose not to watch T.V. because I could not operate the three remotes required to do so.  Changing from film to digital photography upset my system of scrapbooking and I have yet to fully implement a new system.  Learning a new computer, navigating wireless technology, understanding “the cloud”, swipe texting, making deposits to our banks with our smart phone, online banking;  I have admittedly experienced angst and reluctance to fit into this brave new world.  Albert Brooks has been known to say that “getting older is a lot of fun.  Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender.”  Amen.

“Old age is like everything else.  To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.”  ~ Theodore Roosevelt

The characteristics of aging well have been a topic of discussion with my group of friends for many years. I agree that if you wait too long, it very well may be too late.  It is the type of decision you make early on to start you on a different trajectory.  Perhaps my friends and I wanted to be different from our grandparents who claim they could not tell time with the new digital clocks.  I still don’t get it, i.e. 10:45,  it doesn’t seem that hard, but I now understand the notion of feeling left behind by the times.  There was an article in Octogenarian Magazine several years ago that asked several seniors in their eighties what was the single most important characteristic to aging well.  The most common response was the ability to handle change.  Over the years, this idea continues to reverberate through my mind when faced with a new situation like a fog horn in a storm.  Handling change “well” seems like a worthy endeavor, the only problem is that this world is changing so fast.  

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.  Anyone who keeps learning stays young.  The greatest thing is life is to keep your mind young.”  ~ Henry Ford

Dogs are a great way to circuitously observe human nature.  I have owned two chocolate labs during the past 15 years.  The adage of teaching an old dog new tricks is familiar to us for a reason - someone didn’t just make this up.  Often we identify characteristics more easily in others because we subconsciously observe that behavior in ourselves as well.  We are reluctant to change, we don’t like it and we fight it every step of the way.  The week before I turned fifty, I received an AARP application in the mail.  Isn’t that just pouring salt into an open wound?  I couldn’t shred that envelope fast enough.  Even though I try to be age appropriate, I will not shop in old lady stores or wear old lady shoes.  I have not embraced the gray in my hair and still try to fight the obvious losing battle of wrinkles.  My husband told some friends a few months ago over dinner that he thinks he will retire in two years.  I almost choked on my last bite.  Has my head been buried in the sand?  I  hadn’t realized that we were almost “there.”  It sounds cliche but age is only a number and I feel a different age on the inside than my driver’s license indicates.  I find it difficult to wrap my head around knocking on the door of old age.

Yet, in spite of Albert Brooks comment on old age is fun like sticking your hand in a blender, there are some things that are great.  Age really does give you wisdom, it gives you a special confidence that is undeniable.  We judge others less due to a heightened empathy earned from a multitude of life experiences and can see the bigger picture where our younger counterparts get caught up in the details.  We enjoy more flexibility with our time, our finances and our futures.  Our relationships are more relaxed because we accept differences and feel less threatened by life journeys and habits that differ from ours.

Did you know that Michelangelo was carving the Rondanini just before he died at 89?  Verdi finished his opera Falstaff at the ripe old age of 80 and the Spanish artist Goya scribbled on a drawing when he was 80 years old that he was still learning.  I have an 82 year old friend in my running group with a GPS running watch, a smart phone, who is a weekly docent at a church history museum and stays connected with her childhood friends from Norway on Facebook.  My parents text me every few days to see how I am doing.  

My point it that we can’t give up!  We can’t roll over.  There are more tricks to be learned and it CAN be done.  There are many around to inspire us that it is possible.  A study led by the Rotman Research Institute at Baycrest Centre for Geriatric Care in Toronto found that older adults an perform just as well as the young on a variety of visual and short term memory tests.  The remarkable part of this study demonstrated that older adults utilized different parts of their brain to do so.

“What you think, you become.”  ~ Buddha

In an article for CNN Health, Amand Enayati, writes that the older brain can be stimulated to be creative, innovative and contribute in remarkable ways.  The decline seems to be from not being challenged rather than not being able.  She quotes Kathleen Taylor, a professor at St. Mary’s College of California, “Nudge your neurons, shake things up.  Stay physically active.  Keep doing different things.  Challenge your assumptions.  Become comfortable with ambiguity.  Listen to differing points of view and develop the ability to accept differences.  Travel.  Learn different languages.”  

We think that we lose information as we get older.  However, the information is still in our brains, it just is more difficult to access in the folds of neurons.  The result is a need to jiggle the synapses of our well connected pathways.  Taylor goes on to suggest that we “bump up against people and ideas” to enlarge our established brain connections.   Just as physical exercise builds muscle and increases flexibility, seeking information and knowledge stretches our brain.  However to stretch our brain we need to push outside of what is familiar and get out of our comfort zone.  I now have an understanding of why it is recommended to try new things or drive a different way to work.  It jiggles our synapses so that we can better access information we already have but find difficult to recall.

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love.  When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”  ~ Sophia Loren

My new resolve is that I am going to give this fight all that I have…computer classes, learning new programs, researching my family history using technology, an illustrating class, writing.  There is nothing comfortable about any of it.  My synapses are jiggling and I am not sure it feels good.  Yet, I am pressing on.

As for the AARP mailings - I will continue to shred them for the time being.

Arfff!  Arfff! 


image - lefthandedtoons.com

Auld Lang Syne

The sentiment of another holiday season is winding down.  The boughs of the Christmas tree are heavy with ornaments they had the strength to hold a few weeks ago but now struggle to support. The garlands are dry as tinder but whisper a hint of holiday cheer of past parties, gatherings and friendly conversations.  The lights - a reminder of anticipation and excitement as families and friends gathered, still flicker in the frosty snow.  Extinguished candles burned low, the mantle bare, stockings scattered throughout the house suggest hours of festivities as they appeal to be boxed up, packed away and stored for another season.  Sweet confections lie about reminiscent of desire, now suggesting a heaviness of sugary self-indulgence.

The work, the shopping, the baking and cooking, the travel, the wrapping, the lists and the endless tiny details that go into making a holiday season memorable now in the rear view mirror.  The crescendo mounts over the last few months and weeks of any given year and then seemingly evaporates with mere traces of itself to be shuffled, organized and swept away.  There is an end - and in my case a sense of fatigue.  A good kind of tired; a satisfied weariness of knowing that family togetherness was worth the personal cost.

This process of letting go and slowing down is replaced by another sense that percolates to the surface with a notion of a new and fresh beginning.  There are hints from the retail shelves, to television advertisements that I am not alone in this type of awakening.

What is it about this season that initiates and cultivates something deep inside all of us where one journey ends and another begins?  The crossroads of seasons; where one year collides with the next.  I became curious about how and when it all started.  The most obvious place to start was the traditional and sentimental song Auld Lang Syne that no New Year’s celebration goes without.  This song originated in Scotland in the late 1700‘s by Robert Burns as a reminder of people known and relationships remembered.  This is more a tribute and reflection of the past and does not really address the notion of a commitment to new years resolutions and new beginnings.  

Perhaps the answer can be found in another song that often is associated with the New Year.  Ring Out, Wild Bells originating from a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson and published in 1850, points the reader toward the future and a promise of something better.  

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow;

The year is going, let him go:

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring in the valiant man and free,

The larger heart the kindlier hand;

Ring out the darkness if the land,

Ring in the Christ that is to be.

These few verses of a much longer poem seem a bit more on point.  They suggest personal reflection and desire for improvement by replacing vices with virtues.  Upon closer examination, it started far earlier than Lord Tennyson’s poem about letting go of the old and ushering in the new.   Ancient Babylonians began paying their debts to their gods by making promises at the start of each new year.  Romans had a similar tradition as did knights during the Medieval Era.  New Year’s Resolutions and starting anew was not cooked up by a clever Walmart marketing team.  This stuff goes way back.  No wonder it feels so innate.  

There seems to be some reference to reminicising and remembering but much more emphasis on looking forward.  One of my favorite talks is by Jeffrey R. Holland entitled, The Best is Yet to Be.  We can learn the lessons from the past as we should, but looking forward with hope and faith is a successful pattern for all of us.  “As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.”

Looking forward is a conscious action that suggests progress and every action comes from a simple idea.  The idea precedes the act itself.  Every action is completely voluntary, purposeful and calculated.  Action is really faith or hope at work.  Mankind seems to have a desire to look or work for something better.  It appears to be in our DNA because this idea has been around for a very long time.

Due to the fact that I am a shameless list maker and a multi-tasker, I am all over this New Year’s resolution and list making business.  It feels as natural as a warm pair of socks on a cold winter’s evening.  I really dig this stuff.  However, making a list and doing a list are two completely different things.  If only I could be as good at accomplishing my lists as I am at making, organizing and even color-coding them.  

Apparently, I am not alone on that front either.  A study was conducted in 2007 by Richard Wiseman from the University of Bristol where 88% of 3000 participants failed in their New Years resolutions despite feeling a level of confidence at the beginning of the study.  If you question this just go to any gym in the US on January 2 and then again on the 25.  Enough about that!

There is a great deal of advice of how to make resolutions, i. e., make just a few, keep them realistic, write them down, tell others to garnish support and accountability.  Many people have given up on the notion of setting resolutions altogether because of fear of failure.  

Of all the possible ways to work up a New Year’s plan, I think I have come up with a plan that works for me.  It may seem ridiculous to some and counter-intuitive to others.  There is a saying that “life begins where your comfort zone ends.”   “By never setting the bar high, we never aim high.”  “If we always aim for the realistic, we don’t push ourselves any higher.”  Yet, in spite of all that, we have to lighten up a bit and incorporate some small, frivolous wishes and desires along the way to something greater.  

A few years ago, I was inspired by a cute young friend.  She was turning thirty years old and decided to make a list of thirty things she wanted to accomplish before her birthday.  What a great idea.  My list was significantly longer since I am in my fifties but I decided to write down all the things I have been wanting to do.  Some of those included going to the Grand Canyon, taking the train from one end of the valley to the other to see the development and change, meeting a new neighbor, cleaning out my pencil drawer in the kitchen, blah, blah, blah.

“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.”  ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Some goals are more significant, some are indulgent  and just plain fun.  Others are just tasks that need to be done in my home with my work and for my family.  The practice of writing down what I want to make happen gives me a better chance of getting it done. My list of goals can also be fluid, they can change as it becomes obvious that something is impossible to accomplish.  I merely add something else.  I never achieve all my goals and I never stress about what doesn’t happen.  I realize whatever I achieve is far more than if I didn’t have this list at all. Sometimes it is the small stuff that brings you joy.  This list has enabled me to focus more on the small joys and pleasures around me.

Auld Lang Syne and Ring Out Wild Bells have brought new meaning to me and the way I choose to fill my days.   There is much I can improve on, but I refuse to feel heavy and burdened by the notion.  If we don’t add in some fun, who will? 

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”  ~Theodore Roosevelt

Image by ormondrankin.com, Joseph Campbell

Full Mettle Jacket

Mettle:  vigor and strength of spirit or temperament; quality of

 temperament or disposition.

There is almost a tangible energy and magic in Manhatten.  The world is your oyster there and anything you could need or want is available within the concrete canyons of New York City.  Wandering the various districts gives you the opportunity to make discoveries; literally making your heart “skip” a beat.  Being a creative sort, I realize there are not just baubles, buttons, trinkets, embellishments, and trims.  There are entire streets of shops dedicated to baubles, buttons, trinkets, embellishments OR trims; it kind of makes my head spin.   My mind churns with possibility, creativity and ingenuity of that crazy and wonderful city….the sights, sounds, sirens, smells, the energy.  The goal of my visit to New York City was to infuse my creative side without any particular or specific agenda… just to come home inspired.  Inspired I was!

On Sunday morning, we jumped on the Subway before our return trip home and as the doors opened I heard a man speaking loudly to passengers in that car.  At first blush, I thought him to be some kind of delusional soul and I questioned for a moment if we were in a desirable or even a dangerous situation.  Through the outburst I wasn’t sure of the nature – friend or foe - and I momentarily considered backing out and trying another car.  As with subway doors, they leave little time for reconsideration and so they shut with no turning back.

Quickly I realized we were not in a dangerous situation . . . quite the opposite.   We were being preached to by a sweet and humble man in a suit, top hat, holding what appeared to be his well-worn scriptures.  This older gentleman was teaching a completely inattentive audience about becoming more like his Savior.  He suggested the possibility of a mighty change within us as we become more like Jesus Christ.  His message was drowned out by headphones, personal conversations and the deafening silence of indifference.

“If there is anything that links the human to the divine, it is the courage to stand by a principle when everybody else rejects it.”
― Abraham Lincoln

What was it about this man that stopped me dead in my tracks on an ordinary Sunday morning in the city?  His message was not new to me and the object of his lesson familiar.  However, his delivery was nothing short of extraordinary.  This man was demonstrating for all that cared to observe the vigor and strength of his spirit or temperament.  He was not wearing his mettle as a badge, a pin, or even a vest.   In all his humility, he was wearing his mettle as a jacket for all to see.  There was nothing boastful, sanctimonious or attention seeking about his message or his delivery.  At the next stop, he paused, smiled and simply walked away with hardly any notice from those around him in that car.

There has always been a soft place in my heart for any individual who has the courage to live their convictions and set an example to the world.  It can be a lonely place.  It can be a harsh place.  It can be a place of persecution and ridicule.  However, it is a bold place and a place I, quite honestly, struggle to put myself.

I am paraphrasing the following from a talk given by Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley about leadership: “There is a sense of loneliness in living our convictions, but we have to live with ourselves.  A man must live with his conscience.    It was ever thus.  The price of leadership is loneliness.  The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness.  The price of adherence to principle is loneliness.  I think it is inescapable.  The Savior of the world was a Man who walked in loneliness.  I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of loneliness than His statement; ‘The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.’”  (Matthew 8:20)

One of the rich blessings of my life was to live in the tender shadow of a wonderful grandfather.  He, likewise, wore his mettle as a jacket for all the world to see.   He had been nicknamed the “grumpiest man alive” by a few, but beneath this tough exterior was one of the greatest examples of living personal convictions I have ever witnessed.  Perhaps that’s what happens to a man who walked across Europe and liberated Nazi prison camps—you get tough on the outside to protect the humanity on the inside.

Elwin Allred was not the most religious man nor was he the most gentle man.  He was however, the staunchest Republican there ever was.  He and I did not see eye to eye on everything.  As a teenager, I remember several times when he was picketing at a local grocery store or place of business against my friends’ parents who were politicians.  I was mortified at times in my youth as my friends questioned my grandfather’s motives.  Not only was he passionate, but he was extremely vocal about his beliefs.  He wrote what he coined “nasty” letters to the editor weekly during his adult life until he passed away.  He was the man that stood up in political conventions and shouted inappropriate comments about candidates.  Many times I shared the same indifference to his message as the passengers on that NYC subway car. 

As I matured, I began to see the value of his personal convictions.   Yet, my grandfather had one last lesson to teach me about his mettle as my grandmother suffered from Alzheimer’s disease and ultimately passed away.  He was a devoted and loving husband and had made a promise to her that he would never put her in an “Old Folks Home.”   When it became clear to the entire family that he could no longer care for her at home, a home was selected for her care.  To be true to his promise, he spent every day with her from the time she got up in the morning until she went to bed at night.  He would drive through a local fast food take out window daily where they would have a cheeseburger waiting for him and he would quickly return. 

After my grandma passed away, he visited her grave every single day, rain, shine, sleet or hail.  During the winter months in Cache Valley, Utah where he lived, it was not unusual to observe a well-worn path in the cemetery leading to her headstone through several inches of snow.  I am not sure I have ever seen such devotion before or since that time.

My grandfather, ornery old Elwin Allred wore a full mettle jacket.  He wore it proudly for all to see.  His intentions were certainly not for it to be seen, it just happened that way.  His motivations were of the purest form, they originated deep inside and radiated boldly outward.  My grandpa did things because he felt it was the right thing to do.  He never cared what others thought about him and was willing to stand alone with his conscience.  He fully embodied the bold and courageous.

At this time of year when we honor our Savior of the world and call his name Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace, we should ask ourselves how we will wear our own personal mettle.  Will we keep our convictions to ourselves or will we strive to share them with those around us in word, deed or example?  Our personal style may not be to preach in Subway cars or to stand and shout our beliefs in a political forum, but will we limit ourselves in our demonstration of personal strength and fortitude?  Will we carry our mettle as a pocket coin, a badge, a fleeting thought or will we have the courage to strive to wear a “Full Mettle Jacket?” 

It Takes a Village....

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do

so much.”   ~ Helen Keller

This little gem of wisdom was vividly illustrated a few months ago as I tackled one of my bucket list goals - to climb a local mountain peak.  For the past twenty years I have lived in the shadow of the majesty of Mt. Olympus in the Salt Lake Valley.  The sun rises over Mt. Olympus each morning and the soft glow of the sunset gives it a surreal glow in the late afternoon.  I marvel at the bright green foliage, the brilliant leaves of fall or the contrast of a fresh winter snow against the granite rocky peaks with each passing season.  Yet, in spite of looking at it in complete awe almost every day of my life, I have never taken the opportunity to hike to the top. 

 

Over the years I have heard many accounts of hikers who have taken on the Mount Olympus challenge and it was no surprise to me that it would be a challenging hike.  Since I am in my fifties, my window for this endeavor is narrowing and I decided 2013 was going to be the year.  I guess you could say that not many among my peers have Mt. Olympus on their bucket list.  However, I run with a wonderful group of women with young, adventurous and determined spirits.  When I mentioned my desire, I had a few takers.  We all had the desire but figured we had let that opportunity pass.  While mentioning our plans to family and friends, we had a variety of responses from: “go for it,”  “you know that is really steep,’  “are you going all the way to the top?”  “be sure to take your phone” and probably our biggest motivator was “you are too old.” 

 

Our group comprised of four--each being grandmothers and all in our fifties and sixties.  It was a beautiful summer morning and we watched the sun rise and light the valley floor as we made our way up the west face.  We were full of anticipation and excitement.  I guess we all started with an expectation or our own personal agenda.  Mine was to go as far as I felt comfortable and safe.  I didn’t need to die climbing this thing or even do something dangerous that I was not equipped or trained to do. 

 

The hike is about four miles up to the peak of 9,026 feet.  There is a well defined trail ascending 4,100 vertical feet over 3.75 miles to a saddle.  The last stretch requires boulder scrambling to get to the peak.  There are several rescues each year on this trail and it has been reported that while the trail is well defined going up, it is easy to get lost coming down.  The hike is not technical and many people do it every day.  However, occasionally I see an obituary where a hiker has fallen climbing on Mt. Olympus.  With all that said, and not knowing exactly what to expect, I had what I thought were realistic expectations.  I am a reasonable person and not inclined to do anything crazy.  If I even got to the saddle where I could look into the next valley I would be satisfied, I told myself. 

 

 
 

People were not kidding when they said it was steep.  It was steep and long and hot.  However, we run marathons so we are strong and have trained ourselves to work through fatigue.  As we got close to the saddle, we met a family coming down.  They had children who were about 10 and 12 years old.  The mother told us that the boulder scrambling at the top is their favorite part.  There was a spark of consideration of going all the way that entered my mind at that moment.  A mother would not put her young children in a dangerous situation, would she?  Instead of telling myself I would go to the saddle and be satisfied, my new mantra was I will keep going as far as I feel like it is safe and then be satisfied.

Along the way a group of hikers from Texas scurried past us.  As we got to the saddle and relished in our accomplishment, I noticed the young Texans scaling up the side of the mountain peak.  There was absolutely no way I was going to do that.  The saddle is where I would stay.  Everyone else could do what they wanted but I was perfectly content to wait in the shade of the pines and take in the view of two different valleys.  One of the women said, “I didn’t come all this way to not go to the top.”  She had a point.

By going further, I was still staying within my new mantra.  I could see the trail for a distance and it still looked very reasonable.   After a short distance we approached a part of the trail where the trail was less defined because it became very rocky.  At that moment a man came up from behind and pointed the way we should go.  He reassured us that it was not difficult.  It was, however, tricky climbing the rocks because to was necessary to assess each foothold to propel you up.  However, it still felt okay to me.  If we fell, we would only fall the height of one big rock – not a big deal.  No one would plummet to their death.  One of our friends got very nervous and thought she was not going to be able to go on.  This kind man encouraged her up each and every step.  He showed her where to put her feet and where to pull with her hands.  He told her she could do it and talked her through it until she made it. 

 

At this point I turned around to watch my friend and my fear of heights gave me a huge reminder of its hold on me.  It is not a debilitating fear, but I have it none the less and it can turn me into jelly in an instant.  From this moment on fear took over.  Even though I could see going to the top was certainly within my reach, I was terrified to go back down this one particular spot.  It looked like a sheer cliff from where I was standing.  My stomach churned and I felt a little nauseous.  I was no longer enjoying the experience. 

 

We scrambled over giant granite boulders as we made our way to the top.  It is difficult to describe feeling like you are on top of the world.  Standing on a cluster of rocks looking down in every direction is a pretty awesome feeling.  I had done it!  I had climbed to the top; quivering with fear about getting back down, but I had done it nonetheless.  Or so I thought.  The nice man we were with said, “you can’t stop now.  You need to go to that other peak because it is about fifty feet higher and you should sign your name in the mailbox that is there.”  I was actually considering not going because I was so overcome with fear that all I wanted to do was get down.

 

“Good is the enemy of Great” ~ Jim Collins

 

The thought that kept ringing in my head was that we had not come all this way not to go to the top.  I was certainly not going to go down without signing that register.  Sign the register and get back down!  Unfortunately, that is all I could think about.  There was a marvelous experience to be had from that vantage point on the top of the world.  It was peaceful, it was grand, there were the most beautiful butterflies flying all around that peak.  Who even knew that butterflies could fly that high?  The air was cool, the valley clear.  I had just accomplished something far beyond what I had imagined.  My name and the name of my friends are forever written in the log at the top.  Yet, my experience was shrouded in fear; the fear of descending past one tiny spot that did not look dangerous going up but looking back became horrifying. 

 

As we approached the dreaded spot I had worried about the entire time I was standing on the peak, I decided to approach it like a crab and scramble down it.  I was down in about one minute with the greatest of ease.  Are you kidding me?  I just wasted one of the great adventures of my life worrying about that?  I tried desperately to remember how elated I would have felt and how peaceful it could have been if only my mind and stomach were not overwhelmed with pure terror. 

 

Those extra fifty feet were the difference between good and great.  How close I came to being satisfied with good when great was just a few more steps, and for me a few more anxious moments to get to the "top" of the top.  How often do we stop just short of great?  I would venture to say that quite often the difference between good and great is not vast even though we often feel like we can’t take one more step.  Sometimes, it can be one more try or ten more minutes, a few more attempts or just hanging in there a little bit longer.  In this case “great” felt significantly better than “good.”  There are no words to even describe the difference or the sense of pride I feel and will forever feel by that last small push.

 

It is quite clear I will need to do this hike one more time.  My wish is to experience the summit free of the jitters; with the confidence and peace that such an endeavor deserves.   While we descended the mountain, we processed the experience as a group and realized that each contributed something important to accomplishing this goal.  It took one to vocalize the desire, others to commit and join as none of us would have done this alone.  We were encouraged to go beyond perceived limits by a cute young family.  Likewise, the group may have been tempted to stop at the saddle without the adventurous spirit of one.   We all may not have made it without the encouragement of a stranger at a critical moment and our path may not have been clear without his direction and prior experience.  I certainly would not have gone on the extra fifty feet to sign the register without his insistence.

 

It clearly takes a village, a group or a congregation for us to go beyond where we can take ourselves.  Each of us has strengths to offer and share with others at times that are critically necessary.  Likewise, in our own humanity we can benefit from the encouragement, talents and strengths of others.  We take turns being the giver and the receiver as we forge ahead in this experience we call mortality.  There is a power that cannot be denied in surrounding ourselves with people that elevate us and encourage us to step outside ourselves to improve.

 

“Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers.  Pray for powers equal to your tasks.  Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle.” ~ Phillips Brooks.  I would go so far as to say that often the powers to help us equal our tasks come from the help, example and encouragement of others.  This is the great miracle of life--synergy develops as we assist and support one another along the way. 

 

I am reminded of a truth through this experience that is written so beautifully by Maya Angelou, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."  I don't remember exactly what was said or done to inspire us on a hot summer's day in July, but I will never forget the empowerment I felt through friends and complete strangers who helped me not only accomplish a goal, but exceed it ten-fold.  Now, as I look out my window and drive to and from my home in the shadow of Mt. Olympus and marvel at its beauty each and every day, I become breathless for one tiny moment knowing that my name is in the mailbox at the top.  Mt. Olympus, I will never forget you.